I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
