1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
