Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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