like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
