New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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