Michael Bay diarrhea
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
