Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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