No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
