Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
