this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
