your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Non-Jews are for practice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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