Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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