Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry darylscrossbow hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic

Fav 2 1753 937
share tweet
(213): View more from California

those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

Fav 9 6523 883
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

Fav 27 1217 6701
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

Fav 60 8719 2067
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

Fav 5 4942 1037
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.

Fav 4 2324 942
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.

Fav 5 2627 1124
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...

Fav 6 929 581
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(714): View more from California

I've never sung with balls in my mouth

Fav 0 47 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT