I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
