im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
