i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
