At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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