apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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