oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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