there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
