omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
