1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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