you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
