I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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