fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
