just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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