Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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