Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.

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  (239): I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix. http://tfl.nu/krua
  Replies (17) Good night (869) Bad night (1864)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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  (631): She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina http://tfl.nu/7w0w
  Replies (50) Good night (1708) Bad night (8149)
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  (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

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  (925): is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her http://tfl.nu/rdgr
  Replies (24) Good night (9177) Bad night (753)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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  (770): i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow http://tfl.nu/owei
  Replies (102) Good night (5395) Bad night (1368)
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  (707): View more from California

  Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.

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  (707): Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me. http://tfl.nu/6om9
  Replies (14) Good night (3804) Bad night (1149)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  did i walk over a car last night?

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  (+61): did i walk over a car last night? http://tfl.nu/hd3i
  Replies (4) Good night (2098) Bad night (744)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.

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  (630): I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/bzms
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (2632)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

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  (412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn
  Replies (18) Good night (6681) Bad night (1232)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.

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  (508): she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms. http://tfl.nu/mjwo
  Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (2038)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte

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  (845): I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte http://tfl.nu/yyhp
  Replies (3) Good night (1305) Bad night (733)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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  (506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6
  Replies (14) Good night (646) Bad night (2473)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in

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  (954): I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in http://tfl.nu/4adg
  Replies (4) Good night (968) Bad night (525)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.

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  (503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY. http://tfl.nu/gw0u
  Replies (3) Good night (679) Bad night (333)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.

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  (804): Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal. http://tfl.nu/5gs5
  Replies (5) Good night (912) Bad night (327)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..

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  (715): He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not.. http://tfl.nu/15ql
  Replies (26) Good night (504) Bad night (232)

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