thus making me awesome and them whores
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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