return my video game
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
