we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
