Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...

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(407): Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you... http://tfl.nu/kmbk

Replies (1) Good night (1881) Bad night (661)
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(310): View more from California

Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.

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(310): Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary. http://tfl.nu/o8eq

Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (1477)
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(415): View more from California

no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner

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(415): no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner http://tfl.nu/9h98

Replies (27) Good night (4347) Bad night (1213)
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(716): View more from New York

And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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(716): And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/r0kt

Replies (19) Good night (927) Bad night (4064)
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(647): View more from Ontario

if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.

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(647): if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are. http://tfl.nu/2i80

Replies (6) Good night (5136) Bad night (676)
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(607): View more from New York

you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

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(607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9

Replies (9) Good night (6479) Bad night (1127)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

wtf

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(973): yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina (1-973): wtf http://tfl.nu/idhw

Replies (18) Good night (1469) Bad night (5468)
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(713): View more from Texas

Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.

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(713): Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner. http://tfl.nu/89n9

Replies (7) Good night (3168) Bad night (1345)
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(775): View more from Nevada

True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.

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(775): True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/jwe6

Replies (8) Good night (1150) Bad night (578)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood

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(870): There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood http://tfl.nu/fo50

Replies (17) Good night (585) Bad night (2810)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.

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(270): I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him. http://tfl.nu/jwhd

Replies (1) Good night (1144) Bad night (564)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries

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(865): I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries http://tfl.nu/egp0

Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (759)
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(206): View more from Washington

Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.

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(206): Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/gln0

Replies (3) Good night (1526) Bad night (592)
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(716): View more from New York

It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!

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(716): It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT! http://tfl.nu/5pm7

Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (1033)
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(310): View more from California

So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..

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(310): So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me.. http://tfl.nu/vhak

Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (422)

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