Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.