I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Intervention is following me on twitter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?