call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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