I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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