What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
