You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
