The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
