She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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