Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
