Welp...herpes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
