It's Friday. Sex?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
