yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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