Small penises have feelings too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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