Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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