i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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