You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize