I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
