Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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