I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
