Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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