Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Farmville is her only friend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
