allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
