you traded sex for a burrito?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
