I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
