he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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