dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is wine microwaveable?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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