So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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