I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
