whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
