I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want her autograph on my taint
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
