Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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