by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
