I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
