I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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