sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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