So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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