Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
