you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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