It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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