I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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