I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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