dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
