I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
