two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
