Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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