yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He better not be in your backpack
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
