man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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