Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
